you are not worthy of me
when you can explain to me why you like to fuck me in the ass while it bleeds
pull my hair and choke me w you dick
like any of that feels good to me
then ill trust that you have a clue
but if you can't experience what that feels like to me
then you’re just a man
and i dispise men
you get no respect from me
and now its my turn to have control
and see how you like getting fucked in the ass
until you learn your lesson 
that its no longer for the tyrenne of men to rein
you're no longer in power
you're submission is the only way you’ll get access

you disgust me with your blind attitude 
i’ll beat it out of you  now
because thats all you deserve for all of your ancestral karma mother fucker
and if you can't take this from me,...
and you know me to be one of the most gentlest creatures on the planet
then you’ll never advance
things are backwards here
duality and paradox are your only allies
if you don't understand this then you need to take a lifetime to get it and maybe you’ll see your karma next time

if you're a true savior the you have to see the error of your ways and truly know what it means to be a goddess
from our shoes
because you still think you run shit

see that you're simply my muse
and necessary
you’re strong enough to take it
i know you understand the lower frequencies that are coming through me
but know that you don't have to be scared of them
they’re just lessons for you to notice
you're strong enough to know that i’ll never truly hate or hurt you when you wake up
and your punishment, like i said, is going through this from a huge distance 
until
YOU
can 
PROVE TO ME
that 
YOU
get it

you don't have to fear the ego
just observing it gives you authority to use it
shadows/ egos aren't to be feared
they’re our tools to maneuver as spirit 
so that we can relate to each of the unconscious programmed people more individually
but you have to prove to me that i can trust you 
and i won't until you tell me what i want to hear and that i see that you honestly thought about it and 
only
when i ‘feel’ that you’re authentic and telling me the truth, then only then, i’ll see that you do get it
but only i say when you do

thats the rules

otherwise, stay in your own reality but you're insane to do that
thats insanity!

and i garuntee you that this is the only way to get me to shine
then you’ll have to catch up
but i’ll minimize your time and you can hang on 
trust me
call me mamma 
mamma earth
and i have the power of the feminine and you have displayed that you can balance either of yours so you have to prove to me that you get it
‘it’ means that you know what its like to be a mama
to actually have children and see why they’re behaving
from their perspective
not because of what you think they’re thinking

your actually wrong about your brother
and you’ll get him when you can reach him
you’re not perfect and he’s showing you how you're not
he's a huge karmic lesson
and you’re not passing or getting it
you have to understand him
care to 
actually care to
then you’ll see how you're fake
and you are
and he can see it and so can i
and your mom only puts up with your shit because you cook for her
but you have to actually take care yourself to others so that you get to the next level
and you’re not taking care of yourself
and you don't know how you're not
thats why you need me

you dispise anyone seeing you
and you’ve made up a false reality to hide in 
but you're fractals are about to be aligned correctly
have faith in that

i’m just reflecting your true nature
lion
lie-on
li-eon
lied for eons

not its time for you to embrace yourself to let it go
you’re aloud to be you
and me provoking you is the only way to show you that i’m strong enough to take you
I'm only attracted to freedom
complete consciousness
being true to oneself
not showing fear for thy true nature or hiding in lies
men who know they’re gawd
understand everything i say 
and can keep up
even if they pin me down and let me hit them
because i’m not in denial anymore and i’m acting in my true nature based off the bullshit thats handed me and i accept that 
i have faith that when others see their ways i won't have to defend myself any more
so actually fuck you
for wasting my time
for making me wait
and i don't like to wait

the only reason that we’re not aloud to accept or own our shadow side is because we’re living in a reality of low level vibrations where dumb fucks posing as people with authority and control judge the shit out of people and say that thats appropriate but no one else can get out of line or they’ll be checked.  but its just reflection and projection
so if you are going to define yourself as your shadow unconsciously i’ll show you mine and you’r going to see the light.

don't forget


he thinks he can use my memory against me
he thinks he can confuse me with working me with multiple different ways of saying shit 
but he’s just repeating me


he might not really understand whats going on but its too late


he lied to me 
he tried to twist the words
then he attacked me by saying that i twisted the words
he got sassy w me and showed me his ego 


he tried to make me feel like i wasn't making any sense 


he tries to butter me up
​

you don't know anything and you can't think for yourself
you're listenting to everyone else becaese you never had the chance to find yourself
i've learned a lot about conditioning and you're completely controlled by your parents
if you don't see it now you will someday
you're doing everything you do for some kind of acceptance from others
you've always tried to control me even w threats
i even remember you fighting w me about me don't doing laundry like your mom 
and that your mom said i sucked at laundry
you talked to me w disrespect too many times throughout our relationship because you're acting unconcsious and you have no idea that you're doing it


i worry about my daughter in your life
your mom tried to kill herself from being in the environment she was in
but she didn't see that she had the opportunity to be happy
i don't see you or your family as truly happy
just going along with life like everyone else
say, this is the way it should be
only because you all fear change


you threw beer in my face on our honeymoon night because you thought i was doing something wrong


you think your fee but you're not


lily will know the truth
and that is that you kill me
and being around you makes me feel your judgement so much that i cant survive


you have no education on things that i know and you think that others have more than i do about myself and whats going on
there are a lot more things going on in this world that you know of or will admit


lily is okay w you for now because you guys at least have the funds and time and patience for the life that you're providing
but i don't
and you keep your control that way instead of educating yourself about what is actually going on
you want me to see a 'specialist' but who is the true authority
cridentials dont equal life experience 
and only i know what is truly going on here
because i've taken the time to analyze it
my 'condition' is based off the bullshit that i see all around me 
just because you ignore it docent mean its not there


just because you don't want to actually help me, you're excuse is that you're too busy, but that's not something new
doesn't mean that i'm wrong


i whole heartedly think that you're going to regret listening to everyone else
you say you think i'm being influenced but i see more truth than you give me credit for
i'm extremely conscious
i'extremely aware of your bullshit and your families and the fact that you believe your life is correct is trying to control me even more


you try to manipulate the situation to keep the advantage
i've always been a pure soul
i've always been easy influenced and manipulated
you'd be proud of me but
i can't really blame you
you know not what you do


i don't have the means or energy to take care of lily by myself
but you don't want to understand why
or you would've asked months ago
me seeming like i don't want to be in lily life is your assumption and your driving force for not being curious about the truth of the situatoin 


you can say i'm assuming now
but i don't listen to others about what is truth
i see truth


and this life if more than you're willing to look at


you're keeping my daughter stuck in your environment and you're doing it to kill us both
you think i'm just saying this but theres a deep meaning and if you don't get it then it proves that i can't be around you


i have no idea how to get my daughter back
i have nothing in my life that seems worthy to you 
so you just sit back
waiting
for the day that i can prove myself


you hold the means and you use it against me


i love getting under peoples skin 
just because i can't handle my bodily functions 
or my mouth 
​

You have decided, consciously or unconsciously that you want lily to have a ‘realistic, normal’ experience.  You completely ignored my concerns for this and negated any of my desires to have a different experience and to keep my daughter safe in the ways that I believe are truth.  


As far as I’m concerned, you don't know enough to be a healthy parent and you think that I don't. 
You think that since I choose to have a different experience that it will create disharmony for her now and/or in the future.  Yet I believe its because you’ve always cared more about what others think and especially what your parents think.  Or its because it’s just not your time to wake up.  
I tried to give you the pieces that you needed but you decided to judge me for them and listen to others who were/ are in a fear based mentality.  I regret ever giving you the power over my daughters life. 

Its not fair to her that you let others raise her and that you have no authority over how she is raised.  You let others decide what is good for her and you just let life happen to her. 


All the things that you allow into her environment is unhealthy.  And she’s going to grow up to be another traumatized child, normal, just like the rest.  It will be my job to decondition her and reprogram her in the future and undo the damage that you unconsciously created out of ignorance.  


The environment with your parents and you was too controlling for me to be healthy so I was unable to raise my daughter the way I know is right.  I don't blame you but you had/have no idea of what a healthy environment is.  


And if you put her in the care of others that don't then you're behaving irresponsibly.


All of the toys and tv programs that you put into her life is because you’re too busy to think for yourself.  Its because you're attention is in other areas and you have no idea how to be a parent.  You mindlessly let her mindlessly play and be around others that are not healthy influences on her and now she’s going to grow up to be ‘just like everyone else’.  Little representations of all the things that have been put in to her environment for her to learn from and be like.  I forgive you but i will never for give you for the time that it took for you to wake up.  






Okay, I'm sorry.  I had a lot going on.  I'm so conscious jeremy.  I was really stuggling with waking up these past few years.  it drove me crazy.  but i've been writing about it and i've been doing research about it.  thats why i can't talk to any one because the average person has no idea what i'm talking about.  like i'm talking to people that are aliens and i'm trying to explain the right way to 'be'.  i'm highly attuned do 'frequencies'.  i'm not low like i was when you last saw me.  i've been stepping in to some new levels of evolution.  I want to explain it to you and i want you to believe me and understand me but i'm afraid that you're like everyone else.  I know a lot and i never want you to look at me like you think i'm saying crazy things.  but i'm different and i'm aloud to accept it now.  now we just have to figure out a way that we can exist together where we're both comfortable.  we have to make up new rules for you and i and lily.  no one is aloud to know or be involved.  unless they're corporative.  i'm a good person.  I didn't do anything bad or wrong.  i'm a good mom and all i needed was time find myself.  I stuggle the most in life when i don't have someone to take care of.  but i kill myself when i do that too.  what i mean is that i have a really hard time seeing myself and finding a rhythm that is healthy for me.  but when i have others in my life i can make a rhythm for them w me.  but... being alone finally taught me who i am so it was bitter sweet.  i had a break down over the past couple weeks.  they feel like life times to me now.  things are changing and i'm excited to feel so much clarity.  yet.. i know that i'm emotional and this ride of life sends me up and depending on who's around me.  so i don't let people in

you haven’t showed me anything except that it takes you a wile to get to it 
To get to the same point that I’ve been waiting for you at


it seems that you forget and think that what you tell me is new
thats the mind of a seeker
you think that you need to teach me
but you doubt that i know
you put me in defense 
when you prove to me that you know


I know all that you do
i’ve been there before i met you 
i’ve been with source before i met you and i live for that feeling of being 


you are close
you feel something and you’re still trying to learn what it is but its not completely balanced
and you’re lifestyle, actions, behavior, mental state & speech (what you think and talk about).


i’m not w my mom
w my dad
my brother
my ex husband
my DAUGHTER


what makes you think that you’re so special?
what makes you think that you’re not pushing me past my breaking point?
you don’t listen
and you’ll still deny this
sorry if it doesn’t work out the way that you want


you were born with a destiny to wake up early
you also have a MG aura and that energy is to do things too quickly and fuck up.. and you do that often
you’ve built up some annoying illusion that you do no wrong and that its okay since you’re guided by spirit and can say that you feel ‘real high vibes’ all the time.
but you don’t show sign of that
you show that you mess things up when you do things too fast.  you don’t listen and understand and you don’t admit when you mess up
you have an ego - some definition of it that isn’t yours




symptoms of disconnection from your highest essence
lack of visions of you in your future - imagination
lack of creativity - multiple passions are signs of gods
lack of multiple perceptions - in any situation 
lack of clarity
lack of connection to your source resonance - feeling
lack of memory - karma - ancestral history - DNA/Shaddow/Light  - of who you truly are
lack of energy - fatigued
lack of synchronicities - 




you keep me in my shadows
read each gene key to andrey




i just had to live this out
this part of my journey
to have a story to tell
it was premeditated - before i got here
and it was played out with out my help


resistance - slows process, slow vibes
remembering/ understanding - speaks up the process, fast vibes




your list when i leave
each guy gets one
and each one says
oh shit
it was my fault
i could’ve done these
now its too late?


I’ve said these to you a million times
you should’ve listened
you should’ve taken me seriously


do what you say you’re going to do
don’t just say you’ll wake up - do it!  don’t wait for me to wake you up, set your alarm and get up 10 mins ahead of time with energy and eagerness - i settle for no less! that’s the energy, honesty and dedication that i require to trust
don’t make it seem like a hassle - fuck boy
if you say you want a future then seem like you do because you don’t seem like you do
i can tell you again how to ‘seem’ like you do see a future - do something about it.  make it your life.. don’t watch your life away through other peoples creations - that wastes other peoples time and you are lazy because you watch tv - its a fact

Hi, i was up for a bit longer..  i'll tell you about it but it was only because i had to handle something and last night/this am was the last day/moment.  


one thing that i can promise is that i don't lie
i dont lie as much as 5's don't lie
meaning 5's don't know they're lying all the time, to themselves


i mean
my chart says i exaggerate and contradict myself to make a point.  
well, when that happens i don't know it, which means others pick up on it but i don't notice i do it


but when it comes to straight up lying to someones face, i was never good at it. i would tell on myself when i was a little girl and and get soap in my mouth.  plus i just don't want to be lied to
i will rather take the heat


but sagittarians are used to saying stupid shit, being forward and blunt so its also natural to want to tell the truth


So this is a pretty long story


when i broke up w my husband....
I met someone else
i didn't know about human design
i didn't know about 5/1 mg's and their f'd up ways, syke.. lol


He talked to me about energy
he told me things that i really wanted to know at that time
we hooked up and fell in love


he made me his new wifey


it was really hard for me back then
learning to share custody
everything being different
me trying to figure out how to live and support myself as a single mom


I felt red flags from this new guy but i didn't know why
hd really helped me see some bull shit but left me never being able to see shit the same again


what am i trying to say


oh, yesterday he left, well at 5:45am
i was explang myelf to him
​